Worst 5 Films of 2011

I wish I didn’t have to do a worst films(I’ve seen) of 2011.

For one it that means that most films made are of constant failure. They should be instead perfect … or at least above average so I don’t have to be depressed every time I see a huge pile of turd at the cinema.

Two it’s a shame for everybody involved in the film that they had affiliation with such said turd as no one sets out to make a bad movie. Film makers are just human beings and we know for a fact we’re not perfect. We’ll make mistakes which makes hearing criticism a lot more difficult to swallow. Every one wants to put as much hard effort into their work and when that turns to shit it can be a real kick in the teeth.

Wait wtf am I talking about! They get paid millions to troll about and have fun yet I on the other hand have to pay to see excrement on screen!!!  Not Literally shit though, I mean we never get to see Michael bay in his films.

And Three I just can’t always quite remember the bad movies I saw last year. Must be that I’ve blocked most of it and repressed the memories of how bad it was just so that I’m not constantly sick. But with the magic of the Internet I’ll be able to remember those 5 mistakes of film that will make you want to point(flip) your well educated finger at it in disgust.

1.Transformers 3: Dark side of the moon

Afraid of being sued by pink floyd!? or did u want to put a bad title next to a bad film so we can feel better?

Ok it made a load of money so in a financial way it was a success. I’m also not denying it had top of the range special effects and a great military halo jump/glide scene. But it lacked in every other department.

There was terrible acting (I’m not just talking about huntingdon-whiteley) mixed with a hugely boring drawn out story filled with gaping plot holes that left me the opposite of immersed. In fact I was so bored that looking at someone’s phone in the seat in front was more fun. Heck slamming my fingers in the door would give me much more enjoyment then the painful over budgeted display that was in front of my eyes.

Michael Bay is basically making his living off dumb people who obviously only enjoy big explosions that has no consequence with anything. I even hate the fact that basically I was one of those people that was suckered into it. People want to see things go BOOM and Bay is a genius for giving entertainment to the simple-minded masses. So much so, the more explosions in his films the more they “BOOM” financially.

2. Sucker Punch

Slow-Mo Snyder had never made a film with an original script before. Lets hope he never has to again.

This was probably the most misleading film of last year as one of the trailers just showed a group of sexy women shoot a load of nazis and at the time I was game for it(no surprise). But it turned out that this was all playing in there heads and they were actually in a psychiatric ward.

C’mon, they’re dreaming! that’s a kick in the balls for any film! The characters in it are instantly forgettable and I felt a complete disregard about them. It wouldn’t of mattered what actors they used they would all be bad with the overdone abhorrent script that was an excuse to make a film. The whole thing was a mess of ideas and Snyder just trying to hard with every scene.

It was like most critics had coined “a music video” and that would have been okay if it was 3 minutes long and free.

3.Johnny English Reborn

when a film sets out to be a comedy it has to be funny.

Johnny English reborn didn’t make me laugh enough for it to be a comedy. Honestly I did find one or two scenes funny but that’s 2 minutes of the film and the rest was just so bad I laughed at it.

It’s a shame for Rowan Atkinson because this film was getting blockbuster treatment. Had it been good it would of been a stepping stone for such a hilariously comedic actor to appear in some bigger, more respectable Hollywood films.

I have a feeling if they had improvised and ad-libbed an otherwise unfunny script it may have turned out quite good. How do you think Sacha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrel movies are successful?

Because 60% of the time they are unscripted …. everytime.

4.Priest

Yawn! Writing these reviews is really tiring me out … Great … It’s that brilliantly unforgettable Paul Bettany film at no 4.

Unforgettably bad! Ha Ha!

To be honest I’m struggling to remember much about it seeing as at the time I was watching it I probably was facepalming so much that there was a loss of brain cells. I do remember there was a war between vampires and ninja priests, Karl Urban tried to kill everybody and the last line of the film was met with an epic groan from the cinema.

It’s like the morning after going on an all night boozer. Trying to piece together bits of what happened but all you can remember is blank and that you drunkidly went to the worst part of Nottingham after losing everyone else and … wait that’s a different story; That’s more memorable than this film it seems.

If you want ninja priests then look no further than Peter Jackson’s film Braindead (or Dead Alive for you Yanks).

5.Green Lantern

Man crush on Ryan Reynolds aside, this turned out to be a poor effort from the superhero boom that hollywood is producing nowadays.

Basically we’ve heard this same story too many times and as you saw from some of my reviews on Tripodfilm, I don’t like that. Plus is it me or did most of the special effects seem a bit off?

It did show promise of a good film earlier on and Reynolds comedic factor helped it a bit but the film was all over the place once he became a Green Lantern. Just like most DC comics are nowadays cause they can’t keep any of the justice league characters interesting and just end up re-doing the same bullshit over and over again. So a True adaptation of the comics then.

However I have no idea what I’m talking about as I’ve never read any green lantern comics. Just too cool for it(apart from all the other comics that are surrounding my rooms right now. No that’s not geeky at all)

Here’s A Podcast that was made a while ago from our rival blogging website Pjownage(*pfft* rival *ahem* We are way better than they are!). It talks a little bit about films and most importantly Green Lantern(that was easily mistaken for the Green Hornet).

The Host of the show giving opinions that will PJown your mind is the genius behind PJownage Stephen Machan. With guest views from Josh Chrystal, Ben Owen and some articulate douchebag that depresses everyone by saying everything is shit all the time(hmmm, who does that remind you of?).

It was slightly ruined by the unwrapping and consumption of fast food but man were those Mcnuggets good! mmmm BBQ sauce!

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2 thoughts on “Worst 5 Films of 2011

  1. Yeah, I really enjoyed him in buried and it seemed like he got his acting skills honed for other films but it’s not entirely his fault when the movie was a mess. Hopefully he can bounce back in Safe House which is coming out soon with Denzel Washington. Plus I heard he was going to be in another superhero movie Deadpool in a couple of years so he’s got a second chance.

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