The Thing

It’s not human. Yet.

Look I know this came out in cinemas on the 2cnd of this month but here at Tripodfilm we strive to give you the best reviews no matter how late it is. Plus it helps me when I can look at other reviews and copy most of it for my own personal fame and glory! Muahahahahahaha! However copying is wrong and I insure you that everything written in this blog is 100% original. With a few inspirations here and there.

OMG! They’re in Antarctica and they found a big alien spaceship and there was like a frozen alien but then it wasn’t frozen and like started eating people and then turning into them so no-one can know who’s who anymore! OMG!!! I can’t believe no-one has thought of this before …

*Facepalm*

Maybe I’m being a bit harsh. Yes there was an original The Thing (that was directed by the legend that is John carpenter, starred Kurt Russel and was far superior to this movie), but in many ways Hollywood excuse of “it’s okay, it’s just a prequel” doesn’t really ring as true of the time when I saw Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom menace. Man did I have sleepless nights uttering the same excuse that it was indeed just a prequel and in no way could be compared to the awesomeness that is the original trilogy. Yet as a “prequel” The Thing (That was directed by some Dutch guy, stars Ramona Flowers and tells a funny joke in Norwegian about a kid going at it with his grandma) does it’s job quite well all things considered. Some parts of the movie were quite gripping and at the end I didn’t mind that I had paid to see it as it was in some parts enjoyable. Of course I am on a deal with the cinema that means I only have to pay half price and yet for some reason I still didn’t mind.

I’m not saying this is a good film though. The main criticism I have with it is the fact that a lot of the characters aren’t given enough back story or lines for that matter for me to even give a damn about them when they meet their inevitable demise. Some of them might as well have just announced that they were the thing just so we could all have saved a little bit of time in our lives. They even throw in a random guy with a crappy British accent half way through the film saying that they should “bloody” leave even though everyone has been saying that since the thing got loose “mate”. It’s almost like what a 3D film would do in the middle of the movie. Subtlety hinting at the audience that it’s in 3D by poking a large spear directly towards the camera thus ruining what was probably a good film because of the cheap gimmick laid in front of you. Well this “british” guy was the same cheap gimmick but this time he’s basically there to make people think that he could be the thing. Hmmmm he’s the only british guy in the whole camp? well … HE MUST BE THE THING. There was one character, Lars, that was bad ass and deserved a little bit more than just ogling Mary Elizabeth Winstead throughout most of it. Although who would blame him! However the CGI was also extremely poor and was actually bettered by the effects used in the original. Hey, it damn well scared the bejesus out of me when I first watched it.

All in all this film is a solid rental that should only be watched if you want to watch the 82 version straight after. Indecently it does tie itself in with the original extremely well in the end. Using Ennio Morricone’s score to a terrifying effect as it cuts in with the credits to the point where the first film began.

The Thing gets two Facepalms (two stars) out of five

On a side note I’d just like to say … Hollywood stop remaking films. It shows no creativity that you have to scrape the bottom of the barrel like this and money only seems to be the keyword with film nowadays. Here’s a list of films that are upcoming remakes so you can also facepalm in disgust:

  • Scarface
  • Akira
  • The Seven Samurai
  • Raging Bull 2 (Okay it’s a sequel/prequel but WTF!?)
  • Total Recall
  • The Evil Dead (without Bruce Campbell)
  • The Birds
  • Godzilla (again)
  • Escape From New York
  • The Crow
  • Oldboy
  • Flash Gordon
  • Scanners
  • Carrie
  • Don’t Look Now
  • All Quiet On The Western Front

Just Stop Hollywood … Stop.