Haywire

They gave her no choice … no one had a choice … 

We just couldn’t stop looking at the epic beard that was played by Antonio Banderas.

All action. All star cast (with one badass film newbie thrown in). A Creditable director that in the poster’s opinion wasn’t that creditable as Ocean’s Eleven it seems. And Yet … no substance. So much so it was only saved by the few style point martial art fight scenes that would have Bond, Bourne and Batman step back for a second. To me it felt like the biggest budgeted B-movie ever made with a Bruce Lee attitude of lets kick the shit out of people and the story will work itself out. Course Bruce Lee movies are instantly legen … wait for it … but in kind can no way be seen as anything other than just brilliantly choreographed kung fu on film. Thus the distinction between a film that knows what it is and works because of it and a film that should know exactly what it is yet it tries too hard in it’s “approach” to a story. Haywire, you’ve guessed it, is in the latter of those two films.

Wait a sec … You’ve gone a little off topic with that Bruce lee stuff.

Well depicted, subtle bold font sentence. Well The film stars Gina Carano, A former MMA fighter and probably the most badass woman on film since Arnie in Junior (I’m kidding, LOL it’s obviously Terry Jones in The Life Of Brian). She plays an American off the record spy who’s mission in Barcelona apparently goes haywire for some reason. Was it Channing Tatum’s bad “lets look around sporadically so it looks like I know what I’m doing” acting? Or the off putting but tension building jazz music that annoyingly was played over what should have been a heart-pounding gunfight? Anyway the mission it turns out was made to look like it had gone horribly wrong. Just so they can frame Carano for killing the guy she just rescued. They try to kill her and she starts taking names (*spoiler alert* Big hollywood names *gasp*)  and then blah de blah de derp de diddly derp de derp zzzzzz.

It’s the kind of sypnosis you hear with most action films … but it gets worse

The film starts off at a high frantic pace with a coolly shot fight scene however it’s all being depicted midway through the story. Not at the end when she’s supposed to face the badguy and the “story” then should be showing you how she got there; Instead it’s right in the middle where absolutely nothing is answered. Once it’s tied itself back to when the movie kicked off I’m already thinking this is the end of the film and from that point on I was immediately zoned out of everything that took place in the actual closing scenes. One thing to mention though is that the last line of the film was unfortunately also the best line and for any of you that have seen the film you would realise it is also a great way to describe the calibre of the script. As acting plaudits go well it seems like most of them turned up for the money as dialogue was at a minimum but Carano seemed focused on the job. She did a hell of a great job in her comfort zone of muay thai kickboxing in what was well edited and believably realistic action sequences. She even Commanded a few scenes of her own whilst the big stars where almost surprisingly off put by her presence.

And … It’s a wrap! – The Link that went too far

Lacking a good writer but laced with gripping on the edge fights makes this film one for the rental list … if you have even got one. Or do u like to download movies for free like all the cool kiddies are doing now a days? Well Tripodfilm for one disapproves! unless it’s either a really shit film, you’ll buy the film later or you are a penniless film review blogger that has to get high off of someone else’s supply just so they can get that much needed fix they deserve for writing overlong reviews with random links. Wait I was talking about illegal films, wasn’t I?

Haywire for it’s great fighting scenes gets the Ultimate fight of Bruce Lee Vs Chuck Norris (2 stars out of 5).